Discipleship: Finding Your ‘WHO’

Robert Putnam makes a statement in his book Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American...

Robert Putnam makes a statement in his book Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, which made me stop and think. He writes:

“The population at large is disengaging from their clubs, civic associations, and local churches.”

I have found this disengagement trend to be true of South African society and church culture.

Recently I was asked the following question by a young youth pastor I’m walking alongside: “How should I disciple?” I believe in the answering of his question, we may find a way forward with this disengagement trend we’re encountering.

In this article I’ll focus on finding your ‘who’.

First, Choose Someone

When we ask ourselves the question “How should I disciple?” we must begin with choosing someone to disciple. This may sound overly simplistic and obvious, but I have seen how many people overcomplicate or over spiritualize this first step of choosing someone.

We need to remember that a disciple is not someone who merely claims to follow Jesus, a disciple is someone that follows Jesus. This is where any conversation about discipling needs to begin, in remembering what it means to follow Jesus.

Discipling at its very core is helping others to follow Jesus with the ultimate purpose of been transformed into his image and likeness and because we cannot disciple everyone that we meet, we need to choose with whom we will invest our time.

Here are a few factors I consider.

Spiritual State

We need to be sharing the Gospel with our non-Christian friends however, it is pointless to disciple them as if they are Christians. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:14 “But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them, and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means.”

You need to disciple someone that has a relationship with Jesus, a Christian.

Gender

Paul tells us that gender is something that we need to consider as well. In his letter to Titus, Paul says that older woman must train younger women (Titus 2). In a public setting you may teach both men and women, however in deliberate disciple relationships, men disciple men and ladies disciple ladies. We need to recognise that gender is a God-given reality and as such we need to treat it realistically and respectfully. Yes, we need to love everyone, but we need to work at preventing inappropriate intimacies.

Age

Just as Paul tells us to be sensitive to gender, he also tells us to be sensitive about age. In the letter to Titus and his first letter to Timothy, we see how older women are to disciple younger women and older men are to disciple younger men.

Normally you would disciple someone younger than yourself, however Scripture does also point to older men and women learning from those that are younger. We just must look at both Timothy and Titus. Church leaders who would have been younger than some of the members of their church.

I have learnt a great deal from those that are both younger and older than myself.

Teachability

You need to find someone that is teachable. It can be extremely frustrating to pour your time and effort into a one-sided relationship. 1 Peter 5:5 says, “In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”

You simply don’t want to spend time trying to disciple someone who thinks that you have nothing of value to teach them, and that they have nothing to learn from you. However, at the same time, you need to remain teachable yourself as you can learn as well from the person you are discipling, because of the relationship that you are in with them.

Faithfulness To Each Other

Paul tells Timothy that faithfulness to the task of self-replicating discipleship is crucial (2 Timothy 2:2). Yes, we want to disciple everyone, especially if you are a youth pastor or youth leader as you have a heart for those that are in your group, and while we do this, we also need to be specific in building discipling relationships that lead to multiplication. We are not only mentoring the next generation, but we also need to be equipping the next generation to reach all the generations that are still to come.

Proximity And Schedule

Finally, we need to be sensitive to our busy schedules. We want to keep putting irons in the fire however, when we look again there are so many irons in the fire that we have extinguished the fire.

When reading Galatians 6:10 and Ephesians 5:16 we see that we are to make the best use of our time. This becomes a matter of wisdom when looking at the time that we will be pouring into this discipling relationship. I would always recommend finding someone whose schedule aligns with yours so that you can build a deep and meaningful discipling relationship. You need to consider where you live and work and your own time commitments with family, your job and church. However, in being wise and thoughtful as to who we are going to disciple, we need to remember that God’s provision can override our planning, this keeps us dependant on Him!

So, whether you are discipling one person or four, you need to make sure that you yourself are always growing spiritually and that you are being discipled yourself. You cannot have an eternal impact in the lives of those around you if you are not growing yourself.

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Author: Jordan Theron
Jordan, a.k.a. Jordz, is a youth pastor in Gqebrha (Port Elizabeth) in South Africa. His interests include coffee, and rock and shore fishing. He and Helen (his amazing wife) are passionate about discipling young people to be disciples who make disciples.
Published: 17 May 2022
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